She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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