I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
