I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
