I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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