I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
