I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
