If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
