I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
