i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
