Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
