Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
