I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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