I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
