Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
