Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
