I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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