Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
