I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come share oat with me in your robe
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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