I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
