Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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