I wanna bring you to show and tell
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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