The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
