I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
