i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
