so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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