well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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