He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
