woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
