I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
