actually, I'm a sock model
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
