1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
