In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
