As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
