I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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