Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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