I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
