Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
