I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You made out with two different species that night
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
