Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
