So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
