Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
