Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
