So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
