I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
