i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
