I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
