I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
