I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
