First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
