idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
