I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
