You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
