I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
