I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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