Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
