last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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