We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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